George Bush: A President Who Listens

In light of the shocking news of President George Bush's questionable domestic surveillance of Americans who may, or may not, be associated with terror cells, we at youthinkwhatdotcom have come up with suggestions how the Republican apologists can spin this latest scandalous revelation.

For starters:

George Bush is all ears. (If you've seen some of the political cartoonists' caricatures of GWB you can easily understand why we think this is funny.)

This one is a play on the Payne Weber ad campaign of a few years ago.

When you talk George Bush listens.

Finally, our favorite based in part on a song lyric:

He's not heavy, he's not your brother, and he's not big, but he is listening.

George Bush: A President Who Listens (and he doesn't care what you think, and he's willing to use it against you!)

How Long America??

How long before the American people are totally fed up with George Walker Bush? What will it take to send Crawford, Texas' best known citizen packing?


Ronald Reagan was known as the "Teflon President" because no controversy would stick to him. Do we call George Bush "Louie the Lying Slacker" because he has managed to escape, thus far, the fate of others? (President Bill Clinton lied about having an illicit affair with a young female White House intern. George Bush lied, along with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, about going to war killing thousands of young men and women.)

Here is a partial list of offenses:

Illegal wire taps,

Outing covert agents,

Passing on faulty intelligence as gospel in order to start a war for oil;

Denying the sovereignty of another nation;

Torture;

Arrests without warrants or evidence of violating any laws;

Illegal domestic spying;

Holding prisoners of war in secret prisons indefinitely without charges and without acknowledging their status as POWs;

Ignoring the Geneva Conventions with special emphasis on ignoring the agreement for the treatment of prisoners of war.

Using illegal chemical weapons on the Iraqis.

Killing thirty-thousand Iraqis for their involment in the September 11, 2001 attacks. There is still no proof Iraqis were involved in the attacks.

Illegal manipulation of the vote and manipulation of the highest court in the land.

Manipulation of the media--to wit the latest report is that the story about illegal domestic wire taps was withheld by the press upon request of the President of the United States for at least one year. Now he berates the media for publishing the fact he continues breaking the law.

This litany of infractions is more than enough to get one president impeached. By George! He's done enough to get three presidents impeached and removed from office.

Wake up America! How long? How long, America?

Forcing the CHRIST Back Into Christmas!

Someone make them stop. Please! With all the headaches associated with this major holiday I do not need to be confronted by some overzealous Christian adult stranger who insists on correcting me when I pleasantly wish them , "Happy holidays !". They are too impolite to respond with "Same to you." or someother socially acceptable reciprocation. No! They must correct me by telling me to, "Say 'Merry Christmas'." They offer a message that sounds a lot like a reprimand to me. Someone please tell me when it became acceptable behavior to correct another adult, someone who is being friendly.

For you socially inept Christians who are following instruction given to you on Advent Sunday by some equally dogmatic and pedantic preacher, allow me to explain what I mean when I'm saying "Happy holidays!"

Firstly, I mean no insult. Since you are a stranger, and I am merely being friendly--I can not judge if you are a Christmas celebrating-in the religious sense of the holiday-type-person or some Jew who likes the idea of a Chanukkah tree, or a Muslim who's into giving gifts or a truly enlightened person who celebrates all of the holidays that are celebrated during this time of year--Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Wiccan Fests, Islamic observances even the western world's New Year. The list is long. Rather than try to guess what is the appropriate thing to say to you, or risk being told "Oh I don't celebrate Christmas", I use the generic "Happy holidays!" and move on with my holiday, everyday good attitude.

So you know Mr. or Ms Stranger, I wish Merry Christmas to my family and friends and the people whom I know share the belief that Christ is Lord. (Yes I realize in Christiandom there are no strangers which accounts for the practicing pedophiles in the Protestant church denominations as well as the Roman Catholic Church and the overwhelming generosity exhibited by practicing Christians in the United States 365 days a year.) I know the Bible says to go into the world and proclaim the good news. Must you be so pushy, especially during this time of "peace on earth, goodwill toward men"? It reminds me of that insulting phrase that was in vogue among some Christians a few years ago. Remember the term "completed Jew"?

Some theologians, preachers if you will, are just over the top. Too much hyperbole. I say get over yourself Rev. Why not teach your followers to be kind, loving and appropriately righteous with indignation like the Christ I've read about in the New Testament. Ooops! I forgot. Some of you preachers and other Christians don't know what's in the Bible. That's why you're upset when someone calls to your attention the incestuous relations, the murder and other unscrupulous activities told throughout the book, both Old and New Testament. If you haven't read it, you don't know what you've missed. I've found it to be a great read.

Another thing--this is America where people have freedom to worship anyway they wish or not. Since we live in America, I believe it is bigoted and presumptuous to think everyone believes as you do. Really I think it's ignorant.

So I say to all of you practicing hypocrites, let's sincerely and respectfully put the CHRIST back into CHRISTmas"Happy holidays!"

Things to Make You Say, "Hmmmm"

Time to put on our thinking caps. Let us now begin to ponder.

The president, George W. Bush, says he did not violate any laws pertaining to domestic spying. Hmmmm.

In 1973 another president, Richard M. Nixon, said he was exempt from any law prohibiting electronic eavesdropping. To prevent the disgrace of impeachment, he resigned. Hmmmm.

The president is doing his "Stay the Course in Iraq Road Show" because he wants to regain the support he has lost. Hmmmm.

On Monday, during a news conference the president said the fact there was faulty pre-war intelligence about WMDs held by Saddam Hussein in Iraq, is having a negative effect on making a case to go to war against Iran. He said it "affects credibility".Hmmmmm.

Why isn't our constitution more specific about those "inherent presidential powers" that have been a stumbling block for many of the men who have held the office? Hmmmm.

Why is the president so concerned about renewing the Patriot Act when he's making up laws as he goes along?(I call it "improvisational legislation".) Does he really need the Patriot Act to encroach upon our freedoms? Are "inherent presidential powers" to be used to abridge the rights of citizens?

Why is the president so upset with the media? He denouced news outlets for breaking the story about his unchecked use of those "powers inherent to the Office of the President of the United States of America". Bush even stated he found the term "unchecked" to sound dictatorial and said he "rejects" the description. This comment comes from a man who once half jokingly said his job would be easier if it were a dictatorship and especially so if he were the dictator. Hmmmm.

Why does the president always talk about enemies? I think George Bush has mentioned enemies more in the past two, nearly three years, than presidents Roosevelt, Truman and Eisenhower did during all of World War II and the Cold War combined. Hmmmmm.

Pogo strip from 1973 featuring caricatures of the infamous trio of J.Edgar Hoover,head of the FBI; Att'y Gen'l John Mitchell and Vice President Spiro Agnew.
To paraphrase Walt Kelly , comic strip artist and author of "Pogo" a series popular during the 1940s through mid 1970s, "We have met the enemy and he is you," Hmmmm.

Clark Dark's Celebrity Round-Up

Here's Clark's report-news from the world of entertainment.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has issued its own "worst-dressed" list — based on fur, not style. Number one on the list is Paris Hilton . Hilton has been named 2005's worst-dressed celebrity by the animal rights group. PETA cites the hotel heiress/reality TV star for wearing fur coats.

Speaking of Paris... her former best bud, Nicole Richie announced she and and her fiance, Adam Goldstein,have called off their nine-month engagement. Guess that means the reported tiff between the Hilton sisters has come to an end, too. Despite the feud between Paris and Nicole, Nicky Hilton-sister of Paris, who apparently doesn't know blood is thicker than water, agreed to be a bridesmaid in Richie's now cancelled wedding.

Call this item: "I love Jessica Simpson....really..I do....honest!" Jessica Simpson needs to start taking shots to boost her buttocks, according to rapper Ludacris, now self-proclaimed "booty expert". Simpson, who recently split from her husband Nick Lachey, made no secret of working hard on boosting her buttocks for her role in the recent Dukes of Hazzard movie, but Ludacris is not impressed by her efforts. The rapper told MTV's TRL, "Jessica Simpson is flawless except for one thing -I would get her a bunch of little butt shots. She needs the injections in the behind." Adding, "Okay, I take it back, she need a new man for Christmas. I'm a Jessica Simpson fan, don't take it the wrong way at all."

Lou Rawls has sold more than 40 million albums and won three Grammys during a career spanning more than four decades. His hits include "Lean on Me" and "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine." Lou Rawls is being treated for lung cancer. According to recent testimony given by his estranged wife in an annulment hearing, Rawls was diagnosed with brain cancer in May. The 70 year old singer is said to be trying to annul his two-year marriage in an attempt to protect hundreds of thousands of dollars of assets he says his wife has taken without his authorization. More later.

All this talk of broken marriages and broken engagements leads at least one celebrity to say, "I have no wedding plans." That's what the beautiful Beyonce Knowles said in response to the question posed over the weekend about her rumored plans to marry music mogul/rapper Shawn Carter while she introduced her newest signature fragrance. Knowles will be featured in the February release of the remake of comedy classic "The Pink Panther," co-starring Steve Martin and Kevin Kline. Sometime in 2006, Beyonce will star in "Dreamgirls", a screen adaptation of the Broadway-musical smash inspired by the triumphs and tragedies of The Supremes.

I'm Clark Dark for YouThinkWhat

WARNING: Unidentified Armed Law Enforcement Officers On Board

WARNING: Unidentified Armed Law Enforcement Officers On Board This Flight-Obey Their Orders or Die!

This warning should be posted in airports across America. This notice should be visibly placed on all commercial aircraft so the flying public will know they are in danger of being killed by trigger-happy federally mandated areo-cowboys!

Following the wholesale murder of Rigoberto Alpizar, I have concluded our government as succeeded in selling us the "idea" of security to ward off the threat presented by terrorists. A nation of people who are afraid are easier to control--easier to manage than a nation of people who are not paralyzed with fear, able to think and able to question the actions of our officials. Our government knows very well how effective the shock and awe technique is against other countries (See modern example Iraq.) As citizens of this country we have been under the negative affects of the technique for nearly five years...and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

How does the public know these plain clothes law officers are indeed who they say they are? Anyone can get a phoney badge with authentic looking identification and board a plane with a real weapon claiming to be a federal air marshal!

The flying public needs to know how to properly conduct themselves when in the presence of skittish-hair-trigger-adrenaline filled armed fly-cops.

This is how the Associated Press reported a portion of the Alpizar murder story:

Some passengers, including John McAlhany, said they believe Alpizar was no threat to anyone.

McAlhany, a 44-year-old construction worker who was returning home from a fishing trip in Key West, said he was sitting in Seat 21C when he noticed a commotion a few rows back.

"I heard him saying to his wife, 'I've got to get off the plane,'" McAlhany said. "He bumped me, bumped a couple of stewardesses. He just wanted to get off the plane."

Alpizar ran up the aisle into the first-class cabin, where marshals chased him onto the jetway, McAlhany said.

McAlhany said he "absolutely never heard the word 'bomb' at all."

The federal marshalls' official version of what happened is contrived. It's a poorly concocted story. It's a tale one would not accept from a child.

I think the men who murdered Mr. Alpizar imagined they heard him utter the B-word just before they shot him to death.

Mary (Meg) Gardner-Eyewitness to a Tragedy

We want to talk about Mary (Meg) Gardner. She had made a television appearance on an NBC6 television program in Miami early the morning of December 7. How fortuitous indeed that Mary (Meg) Gardner should be on the same flight as poor Mr. and Mrs. Alpizar. There were at least two recordings of her eyewitness account. The first occurred immediately after the event. In a telephone interview that she gave to Miami’s NBC 6 Mary sounded very factual and accurate. There was a lot she didn’t know, but what she did see and hear sounded like excellent eyewitness testimony.

For instance she heard the shooting and thought it occurred in the first class section of the plane and didn’t know if it had or not. She heard no threat of a bomb, but did hear the wife say her husband was bipolar. However by the time you get to her later account, an interview conducted by CNN, she has become an expert apologist for the air marshals.

American Airlines should offer her a job as a spokes person. She couldn’t say enough about how "cool, calm, professional and prompt" the airline’s personnel was in this bizarre situation.

According to Mary the marshals were totally justified. They did the right thing. Everything was very professional and coolly handled, which was clearly not apparent in her first account, where she described how she along with the other passengers had to crouch down, put their hands on their heads, wait for the police and were not permitted to even move. It was very tense and stressful. But later in her account to CNN Mary nearly said it was a walk in the park to get ice cream.

Clark Dark with Entertainment News

Clark Dark here with the latest entertainment news...

First up the funniest man in America has died. Richard Pryor dead at age 65 from a heart attack.

Rchard Pryor hosted the Academy Awards as a co-host...once in 1977 along with Jane Fonda, Ellen Burstyn, and Warren Beatty; then again in 1983 in the company of Liza Minnelli, Dudley Moore, and Walter Matthau.

In related news...It seems comedian Chris Rock ,who hosted the ceremonies solo this year, will not be back to perform the same duties at next year's motion picture extravaganza. No explanation why.

Perhaps his caustic remarks suggesting filmmakers should wait for better talent instead of rushing bad movies into theaters may not have been well received by some Academy members.

"You want Tom Cruise and all you can get is Jude Law. Wait," Rock joked. "You want Russell Crowe and all you can get is Colin Farrell? Wait. `Alexander' is not `Gladiator.'"

He also made fun of himself.

"You want Denzel (Washington) and all you can get is me? Wait."

Rock's comments prompted Sean Penn, when he took the stage later, to defend Law as "one of our finest actors." We now know Sean doesn't have a sense of humor. Maybe he just didn't get the joke!

Matt Damon got married to his sweetie, girlfriend the former Luciana Bozan in a private ceremony Friday in New York City, so said his publicist. No Ben Affleck and Jennifer Gardner were not in attendance. Damon and Affleck, who are renown as best buds, won a best screenwriting Oscar for 1997's "Good Will Hunting."

What's this the Simpson sisters in the news again? First Ashlee Simpson reports her sister, Jessica Simpson, is not constantly watching media coverage of the break-up of her marriage to Nick Lachey. Yes folks the couple, a pair of mediocre singers whose mid-level music careers were turned into Hollywood superstardom by celebrating their marriage in television reality show and tv specials, are calling it quits after months of persistent breakup rumors. More, if you care later.

Somewhere floating in cyberspace is video captured by a customer at a Toronto McDonald's where Jessica Simpson's sister, Ashlee was acting out in a drunken stupor. Simpson, who was touring in the nation to our north, had been seen earlier in the evening imbibing at a popular local Canadian watering hole. Finally she was spotted on the counter at the local McD's performing as a drunk.

Former U S Senator Eugene McCarthy of Minnesota

Eugene McCarthy, a former United Stated Senator from Minnesota, died at the age of 89 on Saturday, December 10th. McCarthy made an unsuccessful run for the White House during the Viet Nam war in 1968. He was never one to mince words. At the time he said he was running for president "because the people who are running the war don't know what they're doing." Eugene McCarthy is one of the reasons President Lyndon B. Johnson chose not to run for a second term.

When McCarthy was asked his opinion of the current president he called George W. Bush "an amateur and a bully."

When you think of the protest movement of the '60s, and the political consequences of them, the names of Lyndon Johnson, Hubert Humphrey, Eugene McCarthy , Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. come to mind. Now, all five are gone. Some people believe Gene lasted the longest because he retired from politics and went into writing poetry.

Rest in peace, Senator.

This Pryor Had Strong Convictions

I Ain't Dead Yet, M*therf@ck%r!

That's the name of the all-star comic DVD tribute to the late Richard Pryor available for sale at his website http://www.richardpryor.com.
The funniest man in America passed away on Saturday, December 10. He was 65 years old. (Some may think the president holds the title, but actually he's the second funniest man in America.)

Richard Pryor was, in my estimation, a comic genius. I recall seeing him perform in the early years on television. This particular performance of his routine included Pryor's impression of the first man on the sun. At the time he was a young comedian the country was all fired up about the race to the moon. His impression was topical to say the least. It appeared to have been the result of improvisational work done in some smoky little comedy club in New York City's Greenwich Village. It was Pryor hopping up and down as though he had been given a hot-foot on both feet. It was hilarious. The man was brilliantly funny.

Another skill he had, for which he was awarded the first Mark Twain Prize for Humor, was the ability to make us laugh to reduce the hatred among the races and cultures in this American melting pot.

I agree with Bill Cosby. Today's comic performers should understand what Richard Pryor was about--study and admire his genius, before they glorify and embrace the language.(The phrase "often imitated never duplicated" seems to work here.) He used the language to make a point. It was used for emphasis. It was used because there are times when other words simply will not do to communicate as effectively as M*therf@ck%ng profanity.

Rest in peace, Richard. You will be missed, and long remembered for your artistic comedic contributions and achievements.

Federal Air Marshals-How they Came to Be...How They Function Today

The United States Air Marshal Program was begun in 1970 to protect the flying public from terrorists who regularly hijacked airplanes. Prior to and just after 911 there were only a dozen US Air Marshals traveling the friendly skies. In 1970 a dozen or so air marshals were sufficient to give the illusion of security. Some thirty-odd years later there are now thousands of these unidentified flying armed law enforcement officers, (UFALEOs) with orders to shoot to kill. The price of providing the illusion of security has increased in thirty years. These aero-cowboys are armed, as they have always been, with the federally mandated legislation, to give the verbal order to the suspect to halt. No warning shots. They are mandated by federal law to shoot to kill if the suspect does not conform to their orders.

There had been a substantial decrease in the number of US airplanes involved in hijackings-known at the time as "skyjackings". (I believe we had gone for nearly 20 years, at least 10 years, without an incident involving a U.S. commercial airplane.) Since there have been no other "skyjackings" of American commercial flights after September 11, 2001, there is an obvious government imperative to justify the employment of these aero-cowboys with a terrorist apprehension. Perhaps this is why the air marshals are so trigger-happy in 2005. Could it be they feel they have to justify their existence, in the face of no tangible threats, by the killing of a would be bomber on a commercial flight during the Christmas holiday season?

Good job fellas we all feel a lot safer now. This is just what I need to feel secure. Trigger happy gun toting officials shooting innocent people. This is especially telling when one considers the fact Mr. Alpizar had already cleared the security screening measures in place at Miami International Airport. (This is an example of the "illusion of security".) That will show the terrorists!

Here’s a statistic from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security:

“Minimum number of infants impeded from boarding airplanes because their names were on the U.S. No-fly list: 14”.

(The Department of Homeland Security is the agency that oversees the Federal Air Marshal Program as well as the federal airport security screeners.)

Now that makes us all feel a lot safer. The acute and oh so keen perception of potential infant terrorists. As we all know there’s no terrorists like infant terrorists! They will not do what you tell them to. Talk about non compliant!

Did Anybody Hear Him Use the “B-word”?

United States Air Marshals shot and mortally wounded 44-year-old Rigoberto Alpizar, of Maitland, Florida. Marshals say he was “agitated” on an American Airlines plane that was waiting for take-off at Miami International Airport. They say he threatened them by stating in a loud voice he had a bomb. The air police say their lives were endangered when the suspect was non-compliant.

This story is interesting on many levels. The first is that no one except the air marshals heard Alpizar say he had a bomb, and they were not the closest to him. The air marshals heard him yelling out loud that he had a bomb, but no one else did. Everyone else heard his wife say he was sick that he was bipolar, but strangely when it came to the yelling they were deaf. How is that?

Secondly, why did they shoot to kill? Why did they kill someone who was leaving the jet? What if he really did have a bomb? Wouldn’t you prefer that he run out on the jetway before it blew up, than shoot and kill him near the jet? Then if you had to shoot him you could have shot him running away and maybe just wounded him instead? What would be the harm in that?

Thirdly, they told him to lie down on the jet way. He failed to comply. They said he failed to comply. Is that the reason they shot him? They shot him because he was disobedient? We all know how the police can be about these matters.

Fourthly, we are told he had a bag. Several reports say he was running with a backpack, then we hear it was actually one of those little bags you wear around your waist at the front. That is quite different from a backpack, which sounds rather large or even a piece of carry-on luggage as this bag is described in some news reports.

Then later we hear it was a backpack on his chest. Who wears a backpack on their chest? Isn’t that why it is called a backpack instead of a front pack? But since the passengers say he was wearing it around his waist, I tend to go with the belly bag.

Now, everyone seems to think it was justified to protect them from dangerous terrorists but isn’t it strange that in four years of an increased number of air marshals there hasn’t even been one terrorist event? The first suspected terrorist apprehended by the aero-cops is simply a disturbed soul who was traveling without his meds, but they kill him anyway.